Tuesday, April 17, 2012

What's All This About?

      They say the first blog post is always the hardest... 
     
      Actually, I've never heard anyone say that, but I can assure you that for me it rings true.  If you are a friend of mine, then chances are you know that I have a variety of interests: reading, politics, sports, traveling, and writing, to name a few.  I often write about these interests as well as post interesting quotes I come across in Facebook statuses that frequently get lauded by people for being "inspirational." This blog, however, is not an attempt on my part to expand my thoughts on such temporal matters.  This blog, as its title suggests, will document my journey as a Catholic and disciple of Jesus.  I have come to the point in my life recently where God has taken his rightful place at the center, and I feel an irresistible urge to share my faith with those who are open to it.  Like the prophet Jeremiah, His word "is my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot." (Jer 20:9)
     
     So what brought me here?  On the outside, I imagine I have always seemed to those who know me to have been a good Catholic.  Even these past two years as I moved to Washington, D.C. to studying International Affairs at The George Washington University, I was regularly attending Sunday Mass and even served as a Eucharistic Minister when I was home on break in the summer.  Mine is not a story like that of the prodigal son, who goes off and squanders his fortune with a life a debauchery. However, these past two years until about 6 weeks ago we a time of tremendous spiritual dryness for me.  Many a times I sat in the pew or knelt beside my bed at night to pray to a God who seemingly was off attending to more pertinent matters than my meager life.  If you have never been through such a period of dryness, then you simply cannot know the pain of such desolation.

     Despite my struggles, I never lost my faith in God.  That's not to say I was growing in my faith, however.  This Spring semester, I decided I needed to approach my relationship with the Lord differently.  I made an earnest effort to attend more events at my university's Newman Center, including Daily Mass once a week.  Despite this, I did not see immediate results.  My prayer life still seemed like a conversation with a brick wall.

     Then, something miraculous occurred that has transformed my life.  During Daily Mass one Lenten Tuesday, our Chaplain gave a homily on the Gospel where Jesus' teaches us the "Our Father." (Mt 6: 9-13)  Like many Catholics, the rote memorization of the Lord's Prayer has led me to take it's beauty and powerful truths for granted.  Meditating on the prayer over the next three days, I couldn't get past the line "Thy will be done."  A revelation struck me like nothing had ever before, I was not trying to discern through my prayer life what God's will is for me and my life but rather trying to get him to sign off on my desires and ambitions.

    The Friday of that same week, I returned to our Newman Chapel for Stations of the Cross and the Holy Hour of Adoration that followed.  Knelling before the Blessed Sacrament, our Chaplain announced he would be hearing confessions and departed to the parlor across the hall.  Reconciliation was something I, like many Catholics, had not enjoyed in quite some time.  An urge to get up and go to confession overcame me, but thoughts of guilt and fear quickly paralyzed my body and my mind: Your Chaplain will ask why you have not made a real confession in years, and what will you say?  Who are you to ask for God's forgiveness? You don't even remember the Act of Contrition!

     Just as the devil was about to win out, I heard a voice that was different then the others.  I like to think of myself as a very rational person, but I tell you in all sincerity that what I heard that evening was an actual voice coming from inside me.  It said, quite simply, THY WILL BE DONE. 

     Since my father passed away when I was 11 years old, I made a vow to myself that I would not cry again over anything short of the death of a loved one. The only exception to this has been some water works at the conclusion of It's a Wonderful Life (my Grandpa and I share a weird bond over George Bailey and Beautiful 'ol Bedford Falls).  But as I made my way to the parlor that night, tears welled up in my eyes. And as I made my confession, I was unable to contain my composure any longer.  These were not tears of sadness. Rather, these were tears of unfathomable joy.  I, through the mercy of God and the sacrifice of Christ's body and blood, had just been absolved of all my sins!  Like the glorious hymn Amazing Grace attests, "I once was lost, but now am found/ Was blind, but now I see."

    Since then, I know that God has called me to do marvelous things in the service of Himself and my brothers and sisters in Christ.  My prayer life has grown tremendously fruitful, and I feel a consolation I have never experienced.  I believe part of God's call to me is to share with others my faith and God's healing power.  This blog's title encapsulates what I hope to accomplish here.  It comes from the book of the prophet Isaiah: "A voice cries: 'in the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord, make straight in the desert a highway for our God." (Is 40:3)

     Our modern world can often feel like a desert.  We thirst for meaning and purpose and what can seem at times like a very random and irrational world.  Some fill this void with things of the Earth: alcohol, sex, drugs, excessive use of technology.  While these can provide temporary distractions, we are soon left we that same feeling or emptiness.  That is why these things are addicting, because they require larger and larger doses in order to achieve a temporary feeling of ecstasy.  In contrast, God offers us meaning through a life directed towards fulfilling His will and orienting ourselves towards the things of Heaven.  We can accomplish this through the grace of the Holy Spirit and Jesus, who said, "This is the bread which came down from heaven, not such as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will live forever." (Jn 6:58)

    If this blog can help but one person grow in their faith or challenge them to live a life that glorifies our heavenly Father, then it will have been a success.  I will be posting on my experiences and thoughts, as well as sharing interesting thoughts of others that I find along.  The first couple of posts will be a learning curve for me, so I appreciate any constructive comments you may have. I hope you enjoy!

2 comments:

  1. Beautifully written, Joe. I think spreading the Good News like this is one of the best ministries out there because you can connect with so many people so quickly. You've inspired me to dig a bit deeper within my own relationship with God. Keep up the good work!!!

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  2. Well done! I love the title of the blog, and you write very well. I look forward to reading your other thoughts and experiences in the pursuit of Christ. Please keep writing about your struggles and consolation, because you never know who needs to hear those words the most, and it's an immense help to those who struggle to know they're not alone.

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