If we stop and think, isn't true that to do anything worthwhile, one must be willing to lose? In sports, playing "not to lose" often in fact leads to a loss. In business, not being innovative is a surefire way to lose customers. The same, I think, applies to our friends: if we hope to have sincere, meaningful friendships, we need to be sincere, even if we risk angering them in the process.
Many people, myself included, all too frequently decide to critique our friends behind their backs. We do so because it avoids an uncomfortable conversation and the possibility of "rocking the boat", but it also erases the possibility that our criticism might prove productive and make our friends better people. If given the choice, most of us would say we want our friends to be open and honest with us. Even so, it is very difficult to hear someone tell you you're acting immaturely or doing something wrong. And because we know how it feels, we are often reluctant to tell others when they are in the wrong.
Although it's not easy, I think having the courage to dish out "tough love" when it is warranted is the sign of a true friend and, more broadly, a person of substance. For example, my brother is tough on me sometimes, but I know he does it because he has my best interests in mind and he wishes to see me continue to develop each day into a better human being. Is his criticism always well received? Heck no! But once I reflect on it a few days later, I often find that he was right and it was just my pride that was keeping me from seeing my errors.
I am always saddened when a person chooses to distance themselves from someone who pushes them to be better, instead opting to be surrounded by a group of friends who provides nothing but empty praise and affirmation. Having such friends is comfortable and fun, but if your friends are exclusively of this sort, who challenges you to be a better person; who warns you when you go astray? Just as one does not build muscle without resistance, one cannot build character without being challenged. In order to stay fit in our lives, we would do well to keep those people who push us most around, and try to be a true friend for others, regardless of how difficult it may be.
don't be so quick to judge other people's friendships. how do you know a certain group of people gives "empty praise and affirmation" to someone. maybe the person you are talking about just feels more comfortable with other people that aren't you. you speak about being a good person in so many of your blog posts, but aren't you being a bit hypocritical? shouldn't we have the freedom to decide how we feel about our own friendships with people?
ReplyDeleteThis is messed up, dude. It epitomizes passive aggressiveness and is incredibly offensive to all of those you assume are incapable of challenging other people and can only offer "empty praise and affirmation." Really though, this is really hypocritical. What exactly puts you on such a high pedestal? When you post things on Facebook for all to read, odds are those things will be read by the people you are insulting, as well as your minions. Good work everyone saw what you wrote and also saw right through your oh so cryptic wording. Maybe your friend wanted to be around other people because you're "challenging" him or her makes you come across as a jerk who is not worth fraternizing with. Here's a brilliant idea: why not try practicing what you constantly preach all over the internet? Isn't that the Christian thing to do? Treat people the way you would like to be treated? Or maybe posting things about them on the internet is really what Jesus meant in the gospels. I could have completely misinterpreted what the Bible, but I highly doubt He would be okay with this post if He read it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for expressing your view. Since you chose to remain anonymous and use the same internet that you attack me for hiding behind, I fear we will never be able to discuss this in a productive setting, face to face. In any event, I am sorry if you are offending by some of the wording in this post. However, if you are not one who offers empty praise and affirmation, then you have nothing to fear. If you are, then perhaps your time would be better served improving yourself than chastising me, whom you obviously know very poorly if at all. If you did know me better, you would know that I make no qualms about my many errors: I am a poor sinner who seeks nothing above God's mercy. I think that comes through in this post, when I very clearly include myself in the group I am critiquing.
DeleteAlso, if you think I am a jerk for challenging my friends to be better, something I hope my friends challenge me to do, then you certainly misinterpreted what Jesus was all about. In the Gospel of Matthew 10:34, Jesus states that he came not to bring peace but a sword. In other words, he did not come to be an enabler but rather a force for good; a force which will invariably lead to some division and discord along the way. I apologize if the post came off as sounding as though I have all the answers. I believe I have very few, and most of those are incomplete, but to me that doesn't mean I am exempt from giving other's "tough love" if the situation warrants it. If you read my post from earlier this month on humility, you would know that I do not put myself on a "high pedestal", as you say, but rather Christ's teachings. If people want to not fraternize with me because of that, then that is their choice to make as I say right in the post. It just saddens me.
If you ever want to question me in person sometime in the next 8 weeks we are in Costa Rica, please do not hesitate to come talk to me between classes or anytime really. Meanwhile, know that you are in my prayers.
God Bless,
Joe