Giving Uncomfortably

     One of the lessons from today's Gospel concerning Jesus' multiplication of the loaves and the fishes (Jn 6:1-15) is that the Lord has chosen to work through our gifts and our sacrifices to bless and sustain humanity. In order for God's love and power to be fully manifested in our lives and our communities, we must be willing to give beyond our surplus; beyond what our minds tell us is sufficient or reasonable.

     We must give uncomfortably because we are the heirs to the most uncomfortable gift of all: Jesus' death as a ransom for our sins. If Christ had simply given us His intellect, He would have been like the  prophets who preceded Him. But Jesus didn't stop giving when the giving began to hurt. He continued to give amidst the flogging and the heckling, all the way to Calvary. Jesus gave uncomfortably because He loves us uncomfortably. The love of God cannot be tempered despite our grievous faults and sins. God wants us to seek His forgiveness and allow Him to pardon our sins.

     In the feeding of the crowd, Jesus nourished thousands through a miracle. But it would be a terrible oversight if we did not acknowledge that it was a boy's great offering that supplied the initial food that Jesus blessed and multiplied. I say that the boy's offering was great not because it was large in volume but rather it was all that he had to offer and he gave it without holding anything back for himself. Throughout the Gospel, Jesus makes special examples of men and women who offer gifts or offer themselves uncomfortably. For example, in Mark's Gospel, Jesus comments to His disciples about a woman who put a penny into the treasury, Truly I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the treasury. For they all contributed out of their abundance; but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, her whole living. (Mk 12:41-44)

     Why does Jesus ask us to give uncomfortably? One reason is that giving to the extent that we need to make sacrifices demonstrates our faith in God's providence. As Jesus told people who came up to Him asking for His forgiveness or healing power, it is faith that saves. We do not show our faith in God when we give only when we have a little extra money or a little extra time. That kind of giving is often to appease our own conscience or to show our charity to others.  How much more powerful is the choice we can make to routinely give to the point that we might not be able to spend so much time or money on entertaining ourselves. What if our giving meant we skipped a night out or even a meal now and then, if it meant we could provide food or clothing for someone who goes without most of the time?

     Ultimately, we should all try to be a little more uncomfortable when it comes to our giving because through our offerings God's grace is permitted to enter our lives and our neighborhoods all the more. Most of us have some understanding that God works in the world through people, yet many would be happy if it were others who were the instruments and they were allowed to just sit back and listen to the music. This strategy holds humanity back, just like an orchestra would be held back if the strings decided to let the brass section carry the load by itself. Some of us are called to give more in gross terms. Some takes vows to give all their possessions, while others give their lives for the Church. Whatever God calls us to give, we know that it will cause us discomfort in some shape or form. We can be consoled with the knowledge that the discomfort is only the byproduct of us carving out a greater place in our hearts for God.

Waging War with Vices

      If you are anything like me, there are a number of things you habitually do that you dislike and wish you could stop. Benjamin Franklin implored us to be always at war with our vices, yet often we view them as unsightly blemishes on our souls that we cannot erase. In his letter to the Romans, Saint Paul captures the essence of humanity's sense of desolation as it wallows in sin when he writes, I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. (Rom 7:15)


     Why is it that time after time we partake in activities or act in ways that we almost immediately regret and make us feel hopelessly ensnared in a life of sin? First, I think we have to understand that to change behavior requires more effort than it does to perpetuate behavior. Reputations exist because because people tend to act the same way each time a situation presents itself. If somebody can't keep a secret on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, there is little reason to share private information with them on Thursday. We don't fail to reform our vices out of ignorance of their existence, but rather because it is hard and takes a good measure of sacrifice and effort. If it were easy, then our New Year's resolutions wouldn't sound so similar every January.


     The second reason we fail to address our vices is that we lack support. More specifically, we fail to seek the support we need. Many of us try to quit bad habits in secret. We would like to drink less, but we are too embarrassed to tell our friends we're cutting back. As a result, they are more likely to mock and oppose our efforts at the next party than they are to strengthen them. We feel we can go it alone, when in reality we need the support of others more than ever if we wish to truly change our ways.


     The greatest advocate and helper that we seldom think to call on in these situations is God. With God's help, we can accomplish infinitely more than we can on our own. Yet how rarely do we include God in our plans to change our vices into virtues. By including God, I mean an active and prolonged dialogue of prayer (petitioning) and meditation (listening to the response) with our Lord. It is not enough just ask for His help one time and then curse Him when we fail to change. In order to genuinely seek God's assistance, we need to love Him. To me, my love for God is founded first and foremost in my prayer life. Prayer is the strongest muscle our soul has to break down the wall of sin that separates us from our Redeemer. If we don't exercise it, then it will atrophy and leave us weak and prone to the devil's many temptations.


     One vice that runs through my family and into my relationships with others is a quick temper. There are times when I let my emotions get the best of me and express my frustration in unproductive and unholy ways. Often, this anger is self-directed, but I do sometimes lash out at others, often for things that are really quite trivial. Often the recipient of my harsh tongue isn't even the main cause of my anger; they just happen to come by at the wrong time and do something that sets me off into a rage. Many are lucky to never see this side of me, but those that do are often left with a bad impression.


     This part of my personality is extremely disappointing to me because it goes against all that Christ teaches us about loving one another. It is especially embarrassing when others catch me uttering a choice word or twelve and know about this blog or my activity in the Church because my vice can be used to argue that the Church is full of hypocrites and people who preach but do not follow. I never want to do anything that brings shame upon the Catholic faith. 


     I've challenged myself and have been challenged by people close to me to work with God to reform this flaw in my character going forward. I desire for people to be able to speak of me as the Psalmist speaks of the Lord: compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. (Ps 103:8) I encourage you to spend some time and seek God's help in addressing a vice that you have been living with for far too long. Be honest with yourself and the Lord and ask for His guiding hand as you work towards becoming a better disciple of Jesus Christ.

Shaking Off Dust

     Sometimes summer can feel busier, or at least more tiring, than the school year. Perhaps it's because I get up at 6:30 for work every weekday morning, or that I hang out with my friends almost every night until 11 or 12, but often I get to the end of the day and feel thankful just to let my head hit the pillow. One of the unfortunate consequences of this has been my negligence in regularly updating this blog. The posts that appear on here require time to be proofread and perfected, and I am unwilling to post less quality just for the sake of posting something. 

       A few days ago, however, my best friend inadvertently gave me a good wakeup call as to how important it is to stay strong in my faith and practice of it, especially in the seemingly serene summer months.  He was about to give me a ride home when, just as I was about to open the door, he drove the car away, leaving me in an empty parking lot for several minutes before returning!

      The joke didn't really bother me (I may have done the same once or twice), but the more I thought about it, the more I saw what a good parable it is to how we become when we come to rely on things or people other than God for our needs. I've learned from experience that, at any moment, a person's family, friends or possessions can vanish like vapor, speeding off like my friend's car. If we put our trust in them over God, then we will be left feeling alone, like an individual stranded in the parking lot of an unloving world.

     That is not to say we should necessarily shun possessions or people. God provides us with people who have the potential to make us better and bring us great joy. He grants possessions that allow us to make our lives and the lives of those around us more fulfilling. But we should be careful not to come to rely on any one person or any one thing. Even too much of a good thing can be used by the devil to steer our attention away from the Lord. 

     So with about month left in the summer, I personally feel I have underperformed spiritually this summer, through my own fault and negligence. Ironically, I've had great fun and have accomplished a lot of things that most people would say have been worthwhile. Yet when I look the stack of spiritual reading that has been untouched, the time for prayer that I have missed from being too exhausted, and I see that the devil has won a few rounds lately. I'm thankful that God woke me up from my complacency to spark a renewal of sorts. In the month I have remaining, I intend to be committed to putting myself back into a complete relationship with God, even if that means sacrificing some time with friends or relaxing. The reward will be well worth the effort!